Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
