This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
