I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
