I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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