I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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