please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
