One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I am midnight drunk by noon
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
