My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
