Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
