I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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