what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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