I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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