Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
