her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
