oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
