Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
