3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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