I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
