If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
