If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
