I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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