she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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