I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
