absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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