The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
