you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
