Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize