Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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