I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
