while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
