Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you made out with another girl for some wings
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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