Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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