this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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