I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
me + whiskey = a bad person
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
