If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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