i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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