guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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