that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
