and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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