Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Blood and glitter go together right?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
