I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize