Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize