All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
