Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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