she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
