Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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