he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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