And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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