my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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