my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
