yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
