At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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