ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Vodka?
Forever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize