you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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