So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
