I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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