I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize