if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
