You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
