apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
