do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize