when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
