Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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