If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
