I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
