I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
