then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
