He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Panties = found
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
