My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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