I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We had to coat check the pizza.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
