Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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