I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
