Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
