I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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