Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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