I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
