My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize