is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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