Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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