Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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