I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
