I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
