"it" just moved
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
