grandma shit on top of the toilet
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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